Four Months and Counting

As uncomfortable as I am with the idea of people being able to read all my thoughts, hopes, and fears I realized that the benefit of me being able to look back at this time in my life and remember how it was would far outweigh any level of discomfort. So here I am, less than four months away from moving to Prague to take the TEFL course and begin teaching English. It's a strange feeling having this move be so close but still feel so far away. I'm itching for the next phase in our lives and I'm elated that this is it. Really, any change would be welcomed. For the past two years I've been spinning my wheels as a substitute teacher knowing that I was meant for something else, that this wasn't going to be my "thing." I'm not sure what my area of expertise will be, but God I hope it's not teaching. I know this sounds strange coming from someone who's excited to be moving away to teach. It's something that I know that I can do, and I'm pretty good at it so far. It just doesn't spark that passion in me that I refuse to live without.

So for the next two months I will continue to spin my wheels until the school year ends. After that, I can't even fathom what my life will look like. There are so many unknowns with our situation that I've come to the realization that I can't freak out about the unknown. Which is not to say that I don't freak out, I just try to remember every day why I am not supposed to. The top four things that make me nervous right now are as follows. 1. We have no idea how long we are going to be living in this house, it all depends on the sale. 2. We don't know where our stuff is going to be placed during our time away. It will probably stay with my sister in her storage or with my mom, but both of their whereabouts after the summer are also up in the air. 3. I don't know if we will be able to find jobs for the two months between the end of the school year and our move, which will affect how much money we save. 4. If this whole thing falls through and we have to come home, we will both be unemployed and trying to find work like the rest of America.

But enough with the negativity. I really do have an overall peace about the situation. I feel like we were meant to do this, and that's a pretty amazing feeling. I'm not quite sure how to prepare myself emotionally for this kind of trip because I have no basis of understanding of what it will be like. That actually makes it a lot easier. My world as far as my family goes is so much different this year than I ever thought it would be. I wish I could step back in time live in that place of security and stability again. I know that it will never be the same, and in a way it makes it so much easier to leave. I wish that this element was a result of personal growth and not unforeseen circumstances but I will take the good with the bad.

The next step as far as planning goes is to book our flights from JFK to Prague. We have our trip to Pennsylvania planned and we will leave on July 27, 2010. Other than ordering some documents, most everything else has to be taken care of this summer. So for now, I keep spinning.